::blind::

I don't know if a cat has been going on a rampage in my neighborhood or if birds have been shedding (Is that a thing?), but I have been finding a lot of feathers on my walks. Each time I've come across one, an awesome article on dragons and griffins by Nadine Brandes comes to mind. In the article, Nadine gives us some interesting facts about each mythical creature but the one fact I would like to highlight here was the belief that a griffin's feather could restore the sight to the blind.
Each time I've come across a feather, I have asked myself, "Where am I being blind in my life?"

What am I avoiding?

What am I hiding? 

What am I not seeing?

An area where I've been blind of late in my life is this disease that I am constantly afflicted with and have not realized has shown back up in my life is perfectionism. It is so easy for it to creep back into your life. It comes unnoticed and unannounced.
My writing has been stagnant for the past few months and I haven't understood why. Everything has felt forced and fake like diet soda. Sorry for all those out there that love diet soda but to me its a sham and will never be like the real thing. I have felt stuck. Each attempt to sit down and write out the next part of the story has felt like a missile to my ship. I just keep sinking it.

"Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft." - Anne Lamott

It's so true. I need to give up these ideas that keep ninja-attacking me and holding on to me like leeches. To get to where the story needs to be, I need to allow myself to make a mess of things. Use all the paper. Use up the pencil before the eraser. Quit comparing myself to others or where I was last year. I am not the same person I was last year. Nor is this a race. This is a journey, one filled with many obstacles and distractions and messes. The one thing I must not do is give up. 

::nobody told me::

There is something that has remained unspoken to me for many years until one day I figured it out.

{ Nobody told me how much thinking goes into writing a story. }

As a fantasy writer, there are days where I just sit and stare. Many people probably think I am doing nothing, maybe even think I'm a little psycho. They couldn't be further from the truth (except for the psycho part. *wink*). Inside my mind, I am traveling through my world, weaving magic into the universe, building cities and countries, breathing life into new races and creatures, creating history, religions, and governments.

Some days that is all I do, look out my window and slowly put the pieces of my world together.

Because of this, I think the hardest question I face is, "How's your writing?"

In my mind, I cringe because there has been no physical evidence of writing. No writing sessions where I pile on word after word, fashioning a story together; no scribblings on paper; no typing; not even a recording of my thoughts. It's all been in my head.

How does one convey to someone what I've been doing the past couple of hours?

"Oh, I haven't written anything. I've been staring out my window."

It's difficult to explain and there are days that I just give vague answers to the questions because I don't have the strength, the courage, nor the zeal to explain to someone that wouldn't understand what I do.

But the staring out the window, I've come to find is necessary. The hours thinking through how you want your world to work and run, whom you want running it, why, and how, are all important. I find that I do my best writing after I've spent a few minutes or hours staring out my window. It's then that I find the words to bring life to my story.
 

"The hardest part was being still, looking out the window." 

- Lauren Kessler

It's weird, I know, but I am a writer. I think it's part of the job description. 

::writing with a side of busy::

1. Drink 1st cup of coffee
2. Bathe the dogs
3. Shower
4. Laundry - Clothes and bedding
5. Fold laundry
6. Make the bed
7. Vacuum 
8. Drink another cup of coffee
9. Sort through the piles of junk mail
10. Post 3 book reviews
11. Respond to e-mails
12. Finish crocheting a blanket 
13. Study 
14. I'm going to need a 3rd cup of coffee
15. Then save the world

And, those are just a few to mention on my 'To Do' list for today. 

So, where is that magical, glowing, harp-playing-in-the-background opening in my day to write?

Um, it doesn't exist.

"Writing is done in the time we make, not the time we find." - Amy Sue Nathan

If it isn't at the top of my priorities, it doesn't get done. Everyday, I must make the decision to treat my writing time, whether it be for 15 minutes or for 2 hours, as a critical and essential part of my day. I have to make it important. If I don't, others will not.

But how does one write amidst the crazy American busyness, the jedi mind tricks, shoeing-thieving Nargles, and world dominating Fire Lords?

5 sentences.

Just write 5 sentences or edit 1 page. That's all that I require of myself because even though I've made it to the desk chair and have turned on the computer to start writing, life has just taken everything out of me and there is nothing left to pour onto the page. With 5 sentences a day, I can build a story. It's better than having no words written. As long as I have made the commitment to put my butt in the chair, I will finish my novel.

Because I am a writer, it's what I do.